Anyone want to take this on?

[3rdragon]

So on the ride home from my grandparents' house tonight, my dad's girlfriend made this statement: We develop our sexualities before we are five years old.

This was not an assertion that I had heard made before, so I asked her where this was coming from.

Her argument mainly consisted of these points (none of which I disagree with):

- There is an incredible amount of information, both blatant and subtle, coded in the way society (specifically, our society), thinks about and reacts to ideas of sex, sexuality, gender, taboos, etc.

- Young children are incredibly good at picking up both verbal and nonverbal information.

-Young children are also very impressionable, and the signals they pick up in their early years have a huge effect on the people they grow into, often in ways that they don't remember and may not be able to articulate.

And we spent 45 minutes hashing over this, and examples thereof. She didn't say anything that I disagree with. She also didn't put together any of the information that I already believe into any form that I hadn't encountered before.

I'm not unwilling to believe this statement. But I'm not convinced, either.

So -- do any of you want to defend it/try to convince me? Do any of you disagree, and care to explain why?

Comments

Neither agreeing or disagreeing

[miriams-mom.livejournal.com]

The first thing that comes to my mind when I hear that statement is that some folks don't discover their sexuality until they are in their 30's or older. (Or perhaps a better word would be admit or recognize) I guess that is not inconsistent with sexuality developing before age 5.

Does anyone know any studies about adopted children that changed from one culture to another after age 5?

Re: Neither agreeing or disagreeing

[3rdragon]

That thought also occurred to me.

[relique.livejournal.com]

Some portion of gender and sexuality is inborn. People with two X chromosomes and female genitals usually turn into people who feel like women. And they usually are sexually attracted to men. And some of that is genes, and some of it is early societal stuff. Some people are not normal from the beginning. Some little boys always like pink and dresses, and some grow up to use female pronouns, and some turn out to be gay, but they were always queer.

But then LIFE happens. I had a friend who was bi, for some definition of bi. Then he was sexually assaulted by a guy. And rather than deal with that and process it, he shut off that part of his sexuality, and now identifies as straight.

I had what I now identify as a crush on Winnona Rider in the Little Women days... LW was released in 1994, but I would have seen it on VHS, so let's say 1995. I would have been 9ish. It took til freshman year of high school for me to figure that out.

But recently, observing my 6 year old ... second cousin? cousin once removed?? anyway, I'd put money on him being gay. Not flaming fairy gay, necessarily. And I could be wrong, I could just be seeing through my gay colored glasses.

Err, I started this last night, and i'm pretty sure I didn't have a thesis or anything, just rambles, but i'm going to post anyway.

[estelwen.livejournal.com]

This strikes me as accurate.
The nuances of attraction (i.e. "I like redheads") and identity are probably established later - puberty or later - but the basic Kinsey 0-6, plus or minus gender dysphoria is probably firm by age 5 and is possibly inborn to some degree.
Most studies I've seen on trans people has them indicating they felt gender dysphoria for as long as they can remember in a vague sense and by 4 or 5 in a definite sense. The dysphoria becomes more pronounced at puberty, sure - but that's because of the physical changes.
My own experience with being a lesbian is similar - my feelings that boys had cooties seem in retrospect way more pronounced than that of they typical kindergartener.
I agree with relique above as well. A person can have some basic orientation but life (in the form of trauma or meeting "the one") can cause certain aspects to be emphasized or deemphasized. I mean, a person can be bi-leans-gay but be partnered with an opposite-sex person. It happens all the time - largely because the statistics of meeting a compatible at-least-bi person of the same sex is less than meeting a compatible at-least-bi person of the opposite sex. QED.